Once upon a time, in a land far far away (for most readers it would be far, for me it's a day trip), there was a group of Baby Boomers that enjoyed trolling Right Wing groups. They did this in an age in which trolling required effort, Art, forethought, finesse, and of course, a bit of a mean streak. Of course it wasn't called trolling back then; these dope smoking, Leftist, chronically jovial Baby Boomers, lets call them, Discordians, called it by its holy Discordian name, a jape.

The jape was to convince these Right Wingers that there was an ancient organization, called the Illuminati, that really ran everything, and that the Illuminati wanted what they were most afraid of. Certainly, this was not the genesis of the human behavior that seeks order, and someone to blame, in a world that is less than satisfactory. But the modern belief in the “Deep State” has a lineage, and that lineage I think is clear. And the consequences of those old japes, long after all those old Discordians have died, is that the Right sought out a weapon, to destroy the “Deep State”. I say the Right, but there are two types of Right. The people in charge, who don't believe in anything but power and money, like all politicians, and the people who are on the Right, who believe in all the totem ideas that make up their Belief System (herein this will now be referred to as B.S.).

Donald Trump is their weapon, selected by them, against the wishes of their leaders, to destroy the “Deep State” their leaders told them was real. Their leaders didn't realize that this has been a project of Operation Mindfuck for decades. They selected their weapon, but we made the windmill. That being said, I think it safe to say that a weapon that was chosen to defeat a fake terror we made up, that will succeed in destroying the real terror of the U.S. Federal Government (which will herein be called the United States F.G.), is actually our weapon. Naturally this means that the Discordian Society, long lambasted as lazy stoners who don't actually accomplish anything, life style anarchists as some former Marxist asshole wanna-be calls us (you hearing me Bookchin? Your seriousness has led you to jack shit!), has done more to defeat the imperialism of the United States than any other Leftist. We've come closest to toppling the whole thing. Which means any of you on the Left who don't claim to be Discordians have not very long to change the flow of history and have your special interest group be responsible for it.

I triple dog dare you to beat us to the punch.

But we've been at this plan for decades, so good luck with that. I'm gonna run down this history/pedigree of ideas for a bit, and then I'm going to make fun of the people that bought it hook, line, and sinker, in the meanest way possible. Because to come so close to seeing how the rich manipulate the people on “THE RIGHT”, and then to miss the obvious in such a wide way, is definitely worthy of cruel ridicule.

One could say that the need for order and someone to blame has always been there, but its modern genesis came in the 1882 publication of “The Gay Science”. I have no doubt that few if any Right Wingers have never read this book, for the obvious reason of the title, but also because it's a book. I say that because when I was a boy, Christians (which is their own internal code for Anti-abortion activist), were careful to show up to Nine Inch Nails concerts with signs, obviously intended to be in dialectic with the song lyrics to Trent Reznor's song “Heresy”, clearly missed the reference to Nietzsche. I think this because the signs said, “God is not dead and Yes we do care!”. So ironically, the reference went over their head like they're Captain America or something.

Anyway, the god is dead thing is from Nietzsche, and what he meant was that a core provider of meaning and purpose for European society was gone. The way he saw it, most people had to have their meaning and purpose handed to them. God did this, or at least the idea of God, through the Church, but since the rise of “Science” (which will herein be referred to as Atheistic Materialism, and as well, “scientist” shall be referred to as stand-up philosopher (which is a movie reference that you get extra internet points if you can profess the movie I'm referencing in the comments)) that function was no longer being performed. People weren't getting that injection of meaning, or weren't getting enough. For if Atheistic Materialism was now pontificating ontology, who then shall be the Devil? Many tried to fit the bill in the period between the Pronouncement of Zarathustra (I mean Nietzsche, not his fictional character), and the First Jape. But none could do it. Only us Discordians could construct a Devil good enough for the fearful, ignorant, stupid and bigoted of the United States. Only we could stare at the festering corpse of God and say, “this world cannot function without a Devil”. And by “function”, we mean, “can't be funny”.

Robert Anton Wilson, in recounting his days as a playboy editor, recalls the moment he realized his Illuminati meme had finally started living apart from him, “The Discordian revelations seem to have pressed a magick button. New exposes of the Illuminati began to appear everywhere, in journals ranging from the extreme Right to the ultra-Left. Some of this was definitely not coming from us Discordians.” The Illuminati meme was created, admittedly not on purpose, by the first modern Discordians. I say modern because there were also Discordians back in Roman times, that's what the “V” hand sign is about anyway, that's the Roman numeral for 5, our most sacred number. But the story of the Roman Discordian Society is a story for another day, we're focused on the Ur meme for conspiracy theories. This meme spread rapidly, like a “magick button” had been pressed. The Illuminati became the “Other” for everyone locked into second circuit territorial squabbling so deeply that they had stopped thinking. For a while, the idea of the Illuminati had grown powerful, suckling as it were on the fears of stressed out, burnt out, tired, worn down denizens of the 70's. But an idea can only live so long without becoming passé.

Next thing you know you have Lizard People running the world. Which could only be a more apt metaphor had the writer who came up with it intended it to be metaphor. It's also some pretty savage satire, almost. There's also the individual output of Alex Jones, which is just torrential. Just, wow, it exists, it sure does. Anyway, most of this modern, science fictiony, “They Live” type of conspiracy theory is just cultural riffing off that initial Discordian Jape Jazz. Us Discordians in the here and now? We just work hard at pulling the strings of that marionette Devil.

The “Deep State”. I'm willing to bet one of the Cock bros thinks he came up with that. The Deep State was the genius idea one of the Cock bros thinks he had to facilitate the continuation of threatening rich old upper middle class white people and the under-served and mostly abandoned country folk they live off of with a black guy that was a president. What the Cock bros didn't realize is that the beast they thought they were going to saddle was their creation, that it was tame, that it belonged to them. Mwuahahahahaha! Fools!

Lets be honest, Donald J. Trump is too stupid, lazy, and weak to be a fascist. I do not say this to complement the Black Sun's dutiful little shit lords, but only to point out that Fascists do indeed believe in something, and are at least willing to kill, take risks, alienate family, and generally inconvenience themselves and suffer many different pains, all for the sake of being a shit lord. Trump would never undergo a moment of any of that for anything. He believes in nothing, the worlds first true nihilist. He is Nietzsche's “last man”. Remember, Donald Trump, underneath it all, hates being president. He's just too dumb and cowardly and narcissistic to quit. So for the first time in his life, he's had to make sacrifices, like being bored, not getting his way all the time, not being able to get away with lying all the time, not being able to randomly sexually assault women. Tortures of the damned, folks, tortures of the damned. He didn't even think he would be president, he was setting up Trump TV or whatever they were going to call it, to start right after the election! He didn't understand the beast either.

The idea of the Deep State is just the idea of the Illuminati, with a new paint job. You can't just paint a mustang and expect it to be broken, tamed, and ready to ride! That's crazy, you don't even paint horses to break them, you certainly don't just tap into the repressed Id being projected on to a memetic “Other” and expect to control that shit! Might as well try to convince teens not to fuck, even though they are literally descended from people who mostly like to fuck.

Yup, that's right folks, the weakness of the fascist is his own stupidity. A fascist has to believe, and not believe, certain things. This inevitably winds up in a Warner Bros cartoon escapade of murder, rapine, theft, genocide and ultimately suicide for the fascists themselves. The Black Sun rewards loyalty with death. Anyway, Trump got elected because some rich idiot told the masses through his private propaganda engine for the Right that there was a Deep State. At first the rich idiots tried to fight Trump's rise to power, but since Trump is their number one viewer, he just repeats all their talking points, including the Deep State shit, they couldn't fend him off. Trump of course was planning nothing, he was just watching Fox to ultimately rip them off for Trump TV. His rallies were where he would riff on stolen material and see how it played. Stand up philosophizing is hard work, and Trump is a huge plagiarist; because you know he's never worked hard a day in his life.

He even brought Steve Bannon in to find the Deep State. Having performed the mighty ritual of keeping up appearances, Steve Bannon slimed away. Two years later, there Trump is, with the Government partially shuttered, and us Discordians, cheering him on like a gambling addict at a race track with their last dollar. Yeah, the national parks are sad. Especially Yucca Valley. I was stationed in that area. If you like stark landscapes, that's your place. I do, and it was beautiful. But I'd rather the common United States of American, with their limited means and selfish focus despoil our parks. Better that than the systematic destruction planned for it by the rich, so that they can make one more dollar before our oceans boil off. Anyway...

At the time of my writing this, in the 23rd day of the month of Chaos, it looks like for the first time in history, since like, 1913, a yearly ritual carried out by the Archons of the State will not happen. For the first time in history (since 1913), a president who talks at the United States of American people constantly, will have to address the American people somewhere else than a joint session of the House at the Capitol. He may even, horror of horrors, have to submit it in writing like every president after Washington and before Wilson! He doesn't even know how to read! Clearly he knows how to write, because he's on twitter all the time, but he would actually have to proof read his B.S., which we all know never happens. I'm personally thankful for Nancy Pelosi, who through the years has always maintained that cool, condescending, spitefulness that is helping to make the slow evaporation of the government possible.

So that's it, now you know the story. How we are fighting Grey Face with Cheeto Face. <Applause> We've got the United States F.G. listing like a drunk Van Helsing, making too many missed stakes. <Laughter> Our favorite marionette Devil still dances for you, still dances to distract you from the cosmic horror of no inherent meaning or purpose. One day, beautiful ones, you will see not cosmic horror, but boundless freedom. One day you will learn to make Art. But for now, marionette Devil.


A Discordian for 20 years, Patacelsus finally got comfortable when the 21st century “started getting weird.” When not casting sigils, taking part in Tibetan Buddhist rituals, or studying the unfortunate but sometimes amusing stories of the dead, he’s been known to wander the hidden ways of the city, communing with all of the hidden spirits one can find in a city. As Patacelsus sees it, we’re all already free; after completing the arduous task of waking up to that we can then proceed, like a doctor treating a patient, to try to rouse others from the bitter and frightening nightmares of Archism. He laughs at Samsara’s shadow-play in lovely California, in the company of his wife, two cats, and two birds.

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